Hi people and welcome to this blog on communication.
Now let me let you all into a little secret.All you health and safety buffs out there probably have already worked it out.
The above graph is not a new thing.
It has been adapted from a fire risk assessment flow chart.
When I was considering the art of communication all the process out there made sense but something was missing.
Now let me start by saying we live in a world of process.
There is no escaping it even when we shop in supermarkets they are based on a process that makes you buy certain things.
Now when I was looking at it like this I started to think does the world need another process.
I started in my own brain jumping on my soapbox and started to put the world to rights.Well I can’t make that change but what I can do is design a process that serves me.One that doesn’t entrap anyone or manipulate their thoughts and actions.
The above process isn’t for anyone but me.
Like all self and personal development practices they are for yourself (Hence the name personal development) but if others use them as well then great.
So, let me explain how it works because each has its own hidden practices.
First –Identify the hurdles.
- What is your problem.
- How many do you have.
- Who are they with.
- Are they rational.
- Are they actual problems you have with your external or are they with yourselfand how you acted.
This is about looking within to see where things are.
The practice of making peace with the situation has to be implemented here so you start the process with a clear thought process.
Second – Who is affected.
Now this seems like an obvious thing, but it really isn’t.
A lot of people think communication as a one way or a two-way process only having the individual or one other person involved.
For argument sake let us call these people the primary participants. The primary participants think of their actions as like throwing a stone at a wall (a static motion that has a target).
But there are always others who get hurt or are affected in a good or bad way thanks to your situation. Let’s call these the secondary affected participants.
The reason why these exist is because of the nature of your actions.Any communication is not like throwing a stone at a static wall, it is like throwing a pebble into a pond. You create ripples and these ripples have their own effect on the surrounding people.
So, for this section you must see all who can be affected and choose not only your battles but your battle ground, so you limit the people involved.
Most communication that needs such planning it is not down to a peaceful situation.
Although the same five steps can be used for peaceful communication.
To get the strength you need to do this stage, it is a clever idea to be empowered with yourself.
A good practice to do is the self-appreciation list. This will remind you of who you are at your core, so you can have stronger eyes on the people who are involved.
Self-analysis is your game plan and in this the three positions technique should be used.
In brief this is where you see the situation,
- Firstly to how it impacts you.
- Secondly, how it impacts the other primary person or persons involved.
- Thirdlylook at it from an outsider’s point of view. So, your communication is an objective one not an unbalanced argument.
This is also one way of being assertive and not aggressive that is the difference between communicating and arguing.
So, now is the time to communicate.
Take what you have learnt from the previous stages and apply them to your communication.
Just so you are happier when you go into this bit it is advisedto do a practice that makes you aware of the things you are thankful for.
So just remind yourself of all the things that you like having in your life at this moment.
This should allow you to know that not everything at this point in time is bad or against you.
Fifth – Review.
Like everything we plan we only know if it works when we execute it.
With all the will in the world no amount of planning can guarantee a perfect execution and outcome.
So, during your communication if you see or feel it is going badly bale out.
Go through the stages again but take what happened back to the stages with you so you can now anticipate other factors that you couldn’t see before and go again.
Just remember if there is breath in your lungs there is every potential of getting it right.